The struggles

Family would not be family without fighting and strife among members.  Arguing is almost synonymous with family and gatherings.  A family without the typical crazy and embarrassing member or troubles in general is a rarity indeed.  Difficulties in dealing with each other are normal occurrences.  After all, it is extremely difficult to get along with the people that you know better than anyone.  In my family, troubles occur regularly, but it is how we deal with them that we become stronger as a family.

I think we can all look back on our early teenage years and realize that we might not have been the nicest people in the world.  Hormones, changes in school, and growing pressure all make early teenage life not always pleasant.  For a large family such as mine, troubles for one person usually turn out to be a problem for everyone.  My Brother Ryan is fourteen, which my mom calls the "second age of terror".   This name is rather fitting aa my brother pretty much hates everything on the planet.  I don't think he does it on purpose, and I know he isn't consciously attempting to himself on death row with my mother, but he currently is a very angry child.  I myself was a huge brat at his age.  I hated everyone and everything.  My sister Abby was also the same way, except her teenage attitude was dulled by the fact that she became a hermit at 13, and I didn't see her leave her room until she turned 15, earning her the name "Gollum".  Despite the problems though, we as a family manage.

Dealing with problems such as raging teenagers really does present problems for families.  As I said before, many families struggle through having estranged members or having dire problems and conflicts.  In society today, families are often presented as these fractured entities that fight non stop.  Reality TV distorts our view of the family, and instead of a strong family, we see back stabbing and hatred.  As a result of rising divorce rates, financial troubles, and many other factors, family life is more difficult than ever.  However, the remedy to the situation is not as far fetched or unattainable as it might seem.  In my family, we deal with problems together everyday.  Some of the problems between us have been harder than others in the past, yet we owe or success and strength as a family to  simply communicating, and in my mind, a healthy respect of my parents.

Families are given to us.  We don't choose them, and they do not choose us.  Often times, coexisting can be nearly impossible.  However, we only get one family.  We will only ever have one family, and it is our job to be a part of it, and cherish it as best we can.

A time of Thanks

The time of year ushers in a new pace of life.  Despite the impending holidays and the promise of vacation and time with family, the holiday season is practically upon us.  With the season comes a hectic and chaotic time, filled with large expenses and long drives.  If holidays are to be enjoyed, why is the season so fast paced?  My family is no exception to the rush of the holidays.  We shop, prepare, cook, bake, and seemingly watch the time fly by without any notice.  Yet with a day like Thanksgiving steadily approaching, it is our responsibility to step back and remember the integral importance of the day in our lives and the lives of our families.  

Each year for as long as I can remember, my family has been conned into holding the family thanksgiving meal.  I am being quite cynical when I say con, but man is it a ton of work.  The thanksgiving meal, as with anything involved with my family, is a colossal production.  According the last years consensus, we has 46 people attend.  That means a few things.  Firstly it means that my mother is brought to near insanity from sleepless nights over preparing and cooking an excellent meal for 100 people (the leftovers last us well into December).  Also involved is my brother and I trading our room for a tent in the backyard to accommodate guests.  My siblings and I spend long hours being chased down by my mother for various different infractions such as making a mess, eating in the clean kitchen.  My brother and I jokingly refer to my mother as the warden during the Thanksgiving time.  The more I jest though, the more I realize how worthwhile the arduous work is.  

Thanksgiving day is my favorite day of the year.  All of the chaos and rush melts away and fades into the background of jovial conversations and family members enjoying the company of others.  The food is almost always excellent, except this one truly awful dish that my aunt makes each year that is filled with tomatoes (which I haven't eaten in years).  The annual football game always takes place, generally followed by everyone playing my my uncle in pingpong who is semi professional.  Most likely I am describing scenes similar to many other families across the nation who spend their thanksgiving together.  

If you are not a fan of the family functions that take place during the holiday season I offer you my heartfelt sympathy.  The meal at Thanksgiving is symbolic of everything that a family should be.  Together under one roof, united and gathered for a special meal, enjoying company and giving thanks for all they have been given.  Perhaps this post is a bit early, but it mirrors my excitement for the coming holiday.  If I accomplished anything in this post, I hope I imparted some elation for the holidays.  As always, use the time to connect with your family.  Use the holiday season to bring the emphasis of family back into your life.  

Family Vacations

Vacations are a much needed break for many families across the country.  Chaotic and busy lives drive us to the edge of life.  The family vacation has, in my opinion, always had the power to re energize someone, as well as the family overall.  According to the United States travel association, the number one reason for Americans to vacation is to visit relatives.  My family is no exception.  For the past thirty five years, my relatives have visited the Outer Banks,  North Carolina.  Last year marked my nineteenth time making the long eight hour drive to the beach.  However, these trips are so much more to me than trips to the beach.  They showcase the power of family unity and the importance that family has in my life.

In my times traveling to and from the beach, I have spent over twelve days driving to and from the Outer Banks.  It is quite a hike, especially in a hot minivan with seven people that is filled to the point that the car is quite obviously sagging very low.  The stories of the annual OBX vacation provide plenty of rich and disgusting memories for my family.  For the purpose of the blog, and hopefully the entertainment of readers, I will recount the disgusting.  The most recounted story regards my brother Ryan.  Every year, without fail, he vomits within two hours of the start of the ride.    He has vomited in my lap, on the window, on the floor, and on just about every other surface of the car.  Another favorite story that is retold to embarrass me is the time that I decided to dive into the ocean in about three feet of water, which resulted in a concussion and a very bloody face for me.

I forgot to mention a very important part of this vacation.  Each year there are 27 of us in one house.  It is a scene that resembles a war zone.  Fourteen kids (not including my uncles), run wild around the house that we rent, creating messes and problems as we go.  Despite the chaos, it all turns out to be a perfect week for our family to catch up and forget the worries that plague us outside of the utopia that vacations often create.  We fish, hunt for sea shells, hit the beach, play hundreds of rounds of Parcheesi, and engage in furious and profanity ridden matches of badminton.  The bottom line is that being close together under one roof, sharing stories, food, and fun builds our family up in ways no other event can.  

Sadly, like much of family life, the rate of adults traveling with their children is declining steadily.  We may often look forward for a family getaway to simply relax and take time for ourselves.  While important, we cannot forget the need to build our families stronger.  Next time you go on a vacation as a family, step back and enjoy the time that you have with them.  

The number 5

I have always asked my parents why they decided to have five children for many reasons.  Kids are expensive, time consuming, and a considerable amount of work.  However, what has mystified me about why my parents had five children is the fact that its such a bad number for everything.  It doesn't divide evenly, and it creates the infamous and in my opinion, the dreaded middle child.  In practical terms, five makes even the most simple things difficult.  In the past it has created problems about who shares rooms, who sits where at the dinner table, and there are only four spots when it comes to sitting next to Mom or Dad in church.  So inevitably someone becomes the lone man, which has led me to seriously question my parent's decision.  The curse of five is most apparent though, when it comes to the car ride.
One of the perks of being in a large family is that we get to cruise around in a minivan.  That being said, when all seven of us ride in the car, we take every spot up.  I know at this point you may not see the problem, so I will make it easier for you.  So obviously my parents get the two front seats, which leaves five other seats.  There are the two front captains chairs (these are akin to first class), and then there are three seats in the back.  The problem is that there is no fair way to rotate who sits in the front and back.  The crux of the issue is that someone always get stuck in the back twice in a row.  The best interpretation I can give is that sitting in the back is just a truly awful experience.  Having to sit in the back twice in a row takes guts.  On a long car ride such as our annual trip to the Outer Banks, the back seat can be a near death sentence.  It has been the cause of many tears from both my siblings and myself.  Many times, after the fights that the car rides cause, I am sure that my parents wonder why they had five kids too.  Currently this issue has been resolved due to my absence, which I am constantly reminded of thanks to my little sisters.
Despite all of the problems involved in the lack of the ability for the number five to be divided, it works out.  I have never been bored, and whenever I want to play a pickup game of 4-square or badminton, I have four others to play with.  The benefits outweigh the cons involved, although there are many on both sides.  Whenever I ask my parents why they had five kids, the first tell me because they didn't want to be rich, and second because they loved growing up in families of five.

The Dinner Table

When we look at our own lives and think about the daily events that take place, it can be rather overwhelming.  Sports, homework, social life, and so much else consumes us, leaving us wondering where the time went.  Much of the time we spend is in the virtual world, whether it be on the phone, computer, or watching television.  It is because of this that my family always places and emphasis on sharing meals together.  With very few exceptions, we ate as a family seven nights a week.  The family dinner table has provided us with a solid chunk of time to simply enjoy the company of family, and leave our hectic lives behind.

With seven people at a dinner table, each of whom had a full day of events and experiences, there is always something to be discussed.  As soon as grace is said, it is a race to start talking first to tell everyone about your day.  Conversation at my dinner table ranged from daily events and politics, to sports and picking on someone.  Invariably, someone was singled out almost overnight to be teased as a result of something they said or did.  My family meals make up many of my favorite memories such as the time that my brother Ryan, at the age of twelve, found out the dressing wasn't said as "Dresseling".  A reoccurring and timeless family classic was watching my sister Abby try to eat food that she hated, which consisted of her gagging and retching until she vomited and the rest of my family laughing to the point of tears.  In a practical sense, the dinner table provided me with a knowledge about daily events in the world and in my family.  It was at the dinner table that I learned manners that I very often forget to follow.  These memories have a special place in my heart and the heart's of my family, and they play a larger role in our lives than we normally think.

The average American spend 162 minutes daily on their phone according to a recent survey.  Only 59 percent of families said that they ate at least five meals a week together as a family according to the Huffington Post.  Sadly this is the new way of life for families.  There simply is not an emphasis on family life, and the family meal for that matter.  Why does this matter? Various studies have concluded that family meals promote healthier eating habits, create better family cohesion, and overall help keep children health, both emotionally and physically.  The family meal is an excellent way to combat the growing decentralization of family life.

Family meals have played a crucial role in my upbringing.  Every night, I knew I could count on a meal with my family as we gave thanks to God for our food and for each other.  In a practical sense it brings us together and away from the things that pull us away from one another.  Its such a cliche statement in our culture to hear about how we spend too much time on technology.  Listen and make the change.  Next time you are with your family, eat a meal together and put the emphasis on family.